The Rabbit Hole Chapter 8

Merissa woke with a start and shivered. She was still not use to frailness of the flesh. When she was energy, she did not hunger nor feel cold. She was never weak or tired. She stood and walked to the refresher. Her heart still aching over the passage of time and how much Amanda and Sarek had aged.

She placed her head against the cool mirror and wished she could make the pain in her heart stop. She hated crying and she disliked the pressure it caused. She dressed slowly and then sat on her bed brushing her hair. She knew even before her door chimed Sarek was there.

"Enter." Her voice sounded weak even to her ears.

Sarek entered and moved in the same grace his son did. He moved a chair near her and sat down. One of the things she admired about the Vulcan's was how graceful they where. Her hand tightened around the clear brush.

"Hello Sarek." She fought to keep her voice neutral.

He raised his eyebrow in a way that reminded her of Spock.
"Hello Merissa. Do you really think over the years my connection to you has weakened to the point where your thoughts are not longer readable?"

She lowered the brush and said softly.
"My thoughts are no longer truly yours to read."

A look of almost pain crossed his face.
"No they are my son's. I never meant to fail your peoples teaching Merissa."

She bit her lip hard.
"I know, now all we can do is hope your actions are not stronger then Spock's heart. He does have one, and now he feels it. I hope he does not hate me in the end for making this so."

She brought her brush to her lap and bowed her head. Her red hair feel forward covering her face from Sarek's view. Sarek looked at her, his handsome face finely lined, but his deep eyes sharp as ever, did not miss a thing.

"I am not used to you hiding from me Merissa, and how ever illogical, it hurts me."
He reached out and lifted the red hair back.
"I do love Amanda and accept she is my other half, but you are the one that shall haunt me, this is not a emotion I am comfortable with, nor accept. What do I need to do to make peace?"

Her green eyes shimmered with tears and pain.
"Give me completely over to your son."

A sob built in her chest, as she knew this was the only way. Sarek closed his eyes and his hand tightened hard and briefly in her hair. Then he released it and the silken strands slipped out of his grasp.

"Amanda is always in my mind and thoughts. She knows all and accepts me as I am. She loves you with her whole heart and knows our pain. She has given me permission to do two things. First one for you"

He tilted back her head and gave her a deep kiss. Merissa held onto his shirt and breathed his scent into her lungs. Slowly he drew back and his deep eyes looked into her green ones.

"Second one for me."
He raised his fingers and his pointer and middle extended them to her. She brought up the same two fingers and he ran his over hers. A tear ran down his face. Then he stood.
"Goodbye seems too painful. I can only hope my son is a better guardian then I was."

He touched her face and then left, in her mind she felt Amanda's thoughts.
I love you now, tomorrow and forever. Have faith in my son. We shall see it each other again.

She felt Sarek and Amanda leave the ship. She numbly picked up the brush and finished brushing her hair. After it was wound up and clipped. She stood and placed the clear brush down and her fingers traced it. Amanda had given her this brush a long time ago and was a treasured item. Strong and pure looking like Amanda's heart. Tears still where in her eyes but she refused to give into them. She cleaned her face and straightened her uniform. She stood straight and left her quarters.

Along the way she ran into McCoy. He took one look at her face and frowned. He looked around and noticing they where alone, his voice dropped low and his southern drawl tinged it.
"Merissa you alright darlin?"

She could not help but smile at his accent and words.
"No Leonard I am not, but I will be. Some hurts cut deeper then others."

He pulled her into a empty room and then into his arms. A sob built and when she went to pulled back his arms tightened around her.
"It is ok, please trust me."

At his warm plead, tears fell and her sobs escaped. For a moment she let her-self lean on him, then the pain eased and she calmed.
"Do not tell that arrogant Vulcan about this." She was only half joking.

He tilted up her face with his finger.
"I would never betray you to that green blooded hobgoblin."

Her eyes widen and she burst out with laughter.
"Does he know you call him that?"

McCoy gave a wicked grin.
"Yes indeed."

She let the laughter roll through her as McCoy's deeper laugh joined hers.
"Oh you are so bad."
She stepped back and he offered her a tissue.
"Ever the country gentleman? I think I like you."

She cleaned up her face as he bowed in a courtly way.
"Well darlin I aim to please."
His voice was serious while his eyes dance with a mischievous light.

She rolled her eyes at him and made a snorting sound.
"Oh boy now it is getting deep in here, and here I am without my waders on."

They both grinned as they left the room. Once outside of the room, she brought her mask up.

McCoy frowned.
"Why do you do that? Hide who you are?"
His voice was soft, but confused.

She took a deep breath
"Protection McCoy, protection. One day when I know you better, I'll tell you a story that will haunt you as it does me."

Her eyes looked straight ahead, as they walked to the bridge and McCoy felt a pressure in his chest at the thought of something so painful happening to her that it caused her to hide from the world. He looked down at the woman walking next to him, despite the moment they just shared, she was still as much of a mystery to him now as she was when she came on, but now he knew she was not as cold as she acted. In fact she was quite the opposite. He hoped that in time he could gain her trust and friendship.

When the turbo doors to the bridge opened. She stepped away from McCoy and to her station. Spock turned his head and waited till she was closer.

"Are you well?" His voice was low and calm.

Her hands tightened behind her back, he may be her guardian but she still did not trust him to truly listen to his heart.

"I am well enough, did your parents say goodbye to you?"

He nodded.
"My father and mother are.."
he paused searching for the correct word.
"concerned about you."

She gave him a tight smile.
"It does not matter, what is done is done. We just have to go from here."

She turned and went to go to her station, when his voice stopped her.
"You do not believe in me to perform my duty to you, do you?"

She paused and said in a very low voice that she knew only his sensitive Vulcan ears would hear.
"You have ignored your heart for so long, how is it you believe that now all the sudden you can change that?"

Spock looked at her, even with her back facing him, he could hear every word sharply.
"Because, even though I ignored it, I could still hear it Merissa. Despite all my meditation and training, it has never sensed being felt."
A deep tone was laced in his voice.

Merissa looked over her shoulder at him.
"Never the less Spock, my life is still in your hands."

She walked to her stationed and began her work.